North Korean Missile Test Delayed by Windows 8

"North Korea’s official news agency announced today that the military’s planned missile test had been put on hold because of “problems with Windows 8.” Intelligence analysts said that the announcement gave rare insight into the inner workings of North Korea’s missile program, which until last year had been running on Windows 95. The announcement from the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) did not indicate a new scheduled time for a missile test, saying only that it was “working with Windows 8 support to resolve the issue.” In the words of one intelligence analyst, “That means the test been delayed indefinitely.” A source close to the North Korean regime reported that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un is furious about the Windows 8 problems and is considering a number of options, including declaring war on Microsoft." - April Russo from Bookmarklet


  1. Thank you for calling Windows 8 Tech Support, how may I help you?

    um, yeah… we, uh, we are um, trying to bomb the United States today and it seems our computer keeps crashing

    Ok, sorry you are having trouble with your Windows 8 system today. Let me just check something on your account

    uh, we are kind of in a rush, is there any way I can talk to a level 2 tech?

    Please hold…

    Thank you for calling Windows 8 Tier 2 Tech Support, how may I help you?

    yeah, like I was telling the first guy, we are trying to launch a bomb towards the United States and our damn computer keeps freezing up. We have rebooted many times, and keep trying to re-launch, but it just keeps

    All right sir, sorry to hear you are having these issues. Let me just check your case notes. Please hold

    What software are you using when the crashes occur?

    um, it is Nuke Launcher for Dummies… um, version 1.3

    Ok sir, let me see. Oh, it looks like version 1.3 is not Windows 8 compatible… looks like this was an old Windows 95 app. Have you tried upgrading?

    yeah, but it keeps asking for the original disks, and we don’t have a floppy drive on this new Win 8 machine.

    Ok sir, please hold a moment.

    It looks like that version of Nuke Launcher is no longer supported, you will need to purchase a new full version of the product. The current version is 5.6.2b


    I am sending you a link to download that now sir.

    Ok, got it, and installed it. But it, um, it looks like… um, it is all in English. We need this in Korean.

    Ok sir, sorry you are having trouble with that installation, please wait one moment.

    Ok sir, it looks like a Korean Language pack has not been written for the newest version of Nuke Launcher for Dummies. Please hold…

    Ok sir, I spoke with my supervisor and it looks like we will have to write the language pack for that. Looks like we weren’t expecting a need for a Korean language pack for Nuke Launcher anytime soon. Congratulations to you Sir on getting there! We have quite a back log on language packs for this software, it is only available in English, Russian, and Chinese at the moment. Please expect an email confirmation in 24-48 hours, inside that email will contain a link to download that new Language Pack. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

    Um… no, no I guess not. But um…

    Ok then, so have I resolved all of your questions today satisfactorily? If so, please hold on the line after our call for a brief 30 second survey, and thank you for calling Windows 8 Support. Have a nice day.

    ummm, ok. Thanks

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